A new year, and Another chance to get it right

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

It is that time of year again.. where people take a good look back on the year that is now 

behind them and reminisce. They think of all the good, and all the bad.. what worked... and what didn't. As I take a step back and look at my past year of 2011 I smile.. I realize how truly blessed I am. Over the course of the year I realize so much good happened, and they all seem to skew my vision of the perhaps bad. 

First of All February 12, 2011 my little girls Sadie and Maci were born. 

Mid July I officially moved into an amazing townhouse with the love of my life, and our two roomies Brad and Eli.

June 17th I got a Job at a super chic boutique called Flirt in Pullman

I have kept up an awesome GPA, with my insane schedule..

My brother married my best friend, and it was a fairytale wedding

I finally got the mercedes I have wanted since I was a little girl

I traveled :)

and there is way too many more memories to name.. but the sum of it all... I had one great year...

Now I know it's that time of year for the cliché new years resolutions to eat healthy lose weight get a 4.0 ect.. and then some that nobody ever keeps anyways.. But this year I am not going to kid myself. I will be working 40 hours a week and be taking 6 classes along with everything else like practicing for the LSAT, pre-law meetings, taking a work out class, going to the baseball games, taking care of my girls, cooking, cleaning, HOMEWORK, and keeping up a healthy relationship.... So I am not going to make some out of the ballpark resolutions so that I can feel disappointed in myself when i don't follow through... However, I am also not going to sell myself short. I know I am capable of many really great things. 

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

Stuntin like my daddy

" I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich."  ~Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford

Dad's weekend in Pullman is a wonderful weekend filled with cougar pride, tailgating, drinking, eating lavishly, spending quality time with some of the greatest dads around and overall creating great memories. I can personally say this has been one memorable dad's weekend.

At first, I didn't expect my personal experience of dad's weekend to be that memorable, due to the fact that my father wasn't coming.  And if any of you know me well enough, or even just know me at all, you are aware of the fact that I radiate "daddy's girl". Since I can remember, I have always been a daddy's girl, and found so much comfort in the security he provides for me. One of the greatest feelings in the world is when I hug him, and I can smell "his smell", and I know that nobody on earth loves me more than he does and he shows that every day.

Well anyways.. back to the dad's weekend.

I had planned my entire weekend in advanced............WORK, since I figured he wasn't coming. I would spend the majority of my time working, and the rest with Brandon and his dad.  Well Friday rolled around and I got the best phone call ever. My dad called, and told me that he was coming up for the day Saturday! I couldn't contain my excitement and I ran downstairs to tell Brandon... But I still had one problem... work. So I talked to my manager and explained how my dad hasn't been down here once since I have been going to school, and that it would mean the world for me to see him. So we got it taken care of :) Everything was all set for my Saturday with my dad.

So 730am Saturday rolled around and my dad let me know he was in Washtucna, and that he was getting close to Pullman. I was overwhelmed with excitement as I hurried to get ready. 9 am came and we went to Old European for the best breakfast and orange juice OF LIFE I jumped into his arms and gave him the best hug I could give! So we basically spent the day together at my place, showing him campus, watching some college football, getting my tires fixed, and catching up. It was time to say Goodbye. All choked up, fighting back tears I said my goodbye, and waved him off as the car drove away. :(

About 10 minutes later I get a phone call from my dad. "Hey daddy"..."Hey hunny, are you sure you dont want me to come back?" ..."No.. it's okay I know you need to get back and it was just great to get to spend time with you.".... "well are you sure?".... "yes, I am sure."..."Okay, well i miss you already and love you".. "I miss and love you too.".. we said goodbye. Yes, I admit I shed some tears. I just love my dad okay!

I get another phone call 5-10 minutes after that from my dad... "hey daddy"..."I turned around."..."Why?"...."because I missed you already."

:):):) Biggest smile of my life.

He turned around and stayed a few hours longer. We watched more football, talked more, and went to a delicious dinner at sellas. It couldn't have been more perfect. I said goodbye once more.. and he was off.

If it wasn't good enough that he came to see me, he came back again because he missed me :) I have the world's BEST dad.


So as for tonight... Pullman decided it was about that time for a blizzard, so I feel opposed to sit in it and watch the football game with brandon and his dad. Instead I am sitting here by the fire.. drinking a peppermint patty, and snuggling my shihtzus.

Pullman sure does look pretty in white :) But it's about that time that I send the Mercedes home to Moses and Bring the Camry back to Pullman for some winter adventures. I don't trust the scary winter drivers here and I don't want my dad to pay for another 750 dollars for studs, when the studs he bought for the camry last year are perfectly fine! see ya later cedes. time for some good ol camry bonding time. Since Pullman has snow on the agenda for the next week I need to make the swap asap.... I couldn't even get into my apartment complex up the hill.. I drove up the hill with the wheels spinnin not moving an inch for about 10 minutes.. it was great. So i took another route and BARELY made it up that way...scarrrrrrrrrrry.

 shihtzus first snow :)

Anyways...................I will post another soon.

Time to snuggle some sweet shihtzus

"It's beginning to look a bit like chriiiiiiiistmassssssssss....."

Living the Life I Love

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.”  Harvey Fierstein

So I have decided to post another blog. It's been a reasonable amount of time since my last blog, so I figured it was time for another ramble of the crazy things that go on in my head and my everyday life.. 

So recently I have had an insane time balancing school, work, my shihtzus, my relationship, and my cleaning duties at our townhouse. It has been a whirlwind these past few weeks, and I feel as though it was midterm after midterm, after paper after paper, after quiz after quiz, after assignment after assignment...ALL on top of everything else I have put on my plate. Well I honestly think it has settled down slightly...just in time for me to get sick. I have had the constant bodyaches, joint pain, chills, sensitive skin, throbbing headache, awful neck pain, green "nastiness", and the list goes onnnnnnn... Brandon took me to the doctor this morning (thanks baby:)) and I got some antibiotics to help me get better in time for an event we are having at work on Saturday that I NEED to be in perfect health for. Thank you Dr. Garcia! 

Out of the COUNTLESS times I have been in the health and wellness urgent care, or even at my doctors back in Moses lake I have never seen someone who was so insistent on getting to the bottom of all of my problems. I have been diagnosed in moses lake and pullman with both anemia, thalassemia, and asthma. The only one that has ever been somewhat fixed is asthma because all they have to do is prescribe me a steroid inhaler and say see ya later! Well my doctor today looked up my previous bloodwork and saw the current issues I was diagnosed with previously and said "uhhhhhh.... who was your doctor? and why didn't they send you to a blood specialist." I just told him "I saw a girl doctor here, she ran numerous tests, diagnosed me and then said if your organs and bones start to hurt then we can do something..." haha he gave me the weirdest look and set me up with a referral and an appointment with a specialist in Lewiston ASAP.. he wants to see me again to follow up on that and to go further in depth with my other medical issues. yes I know I am a walking mess, but it's doctors that truly care that make me feel better about it! Kameron, one day when you're a doctor I know you will be the doctor "that cares" :) and I can't wait. 

ON a happier note... last week was halloween and yes I admit, I was super uncreative.. and crossed the line beyond scandalous.. but whatever it's pullman get overrr it. You're only in College once! 

The first night I decided to dress up as a sailor which was my "conservative" outfit.. if it can even fall into that category, but for pullman I might as well have been wearing a turtle neck. Okay im just kidding.. Pullman's not "that bad"... but brandon really loved the sailor outfit, and I almost didn't wear the hat until brandon freaked out saying I HAD TO WEAR IT, because it made the whole outfit... haha okay thanks babe, and he wore "mr loooonguinis chef outfit.. which was a chef outfit with a big sausage and two meatballs. It was hilarrrious.. besides the fact that every kid on the baseball team "stroked his sausage"

Night number two we almost just stayed in for the night and snuggled our girls, but we FORCED ourselves to go out and wear costumes merely based on the fact that I spent too much on my costumes to NOT wear them.. so we went out just so we could snap a few shots and have proof that we wore our costumes haha we are lame old people I know.. give me a break. The second night I definitely caved into the pullman ways and wore a revealing nurse outfit.. yeah it was over the top, but hey I rocked it. Brandon wore the infamous packman that we all love so dearly, and we had a fun 45 minutes wearing those costumes.. then we rushed back home to make rice krispies and snuggle our girls while we watched scary movies.. thats more like a perfect night to me :) 

IN ADDITION: I always tend to "update" our relationship on blogs, but after you've been dating this long there isn't too much to update. We have been living together and are still as happy as ever. I notice every day how we still continue to grow in our relationship and become more and more comfortable. I still look back on how things were even not too long ago and I always think "wow look how we've grown..." We are growing as individuals and still growing more and more in love. He still gives me the butterflies, and I still look at him when he's not paying attention and smile thinking about how is it possible to love someone THIS much... nothing is better than falling asleep in his arms at night and waking up in the same place. We truly complete each other, and we are best friends. I am one lucky girl to have found someone who is this dedicated to me, while he still is dedicated to himself and his future. He knows what he wants in life and is determined to balance it all, and that is one attractive quality. Good guys are hard to come around, and I have found my one in a million :) I AM THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE! I love you :)

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.
Albert Einstein

procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow..

Procrastination will be the death of me.

As I am sitting at my dining table studying for my polysci midterm tomorrow, I find my mind constantly wandering off. I feel as though I placed all of my motivational efforts into my polysci exam last friday, and I am starting to feel pretty restless... however I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

One thing I tend to do oh so often is stress way too much for a situation that lacks the need for that level of stress.. which isn't such an awful quality is it? I have learned to discover one thing about myself throughout my college career. I stress like there is no tomorrow for every exam, and then I find myself done with the exam in less than 20 minutes saying..."that was easy.." Since I  have discovered this newfound characteristic in myself, I actually find myself NOT freaking out about my midterm tomorrow.. this could be a really good thing or a really bad thing. I have come to two conclusions.. either I am just naturally smart and obtain the knowledge I need in order to ace these tests, or my freaking out stressing causes me to study excessively which makes these so easy. As I continue to waste more time, I am finding myself leaning toward the 2nd conclusion.. which is actually starting to freak me out. I do feel somewhat confident for this exam since I have spent the past week studying, but I still don't feel that I have touched every topic, and I am still feeling ignorant to some of what is expected to be on the test.

My teacher is pretty tough, and isn't to clear on what exactly is to be expected.. but he has explained a plethora of times that he is "cutting the strings" and preparing us for law school or graduate school. Which has actually had me freaking out if I choose to go to law school.. He always says " they wont give you prompts or tell you what to know in law school, you just have to know." Ummm sorry buddy... you didn't go to law school you went to grad school so how the heck do you know! Anyways..

Maybe I should stop wasting my time analyzing the test and actually continue studying for it... but procrastination sounds so much better right now, and now that I think of it.. so does my bed. 

This entire blog was a pretty pointless ramble of the thoughts in my messed up head, and took me away from my studying... I know many of you could care less about the nonsense I just rambled on about. But like I have stated previously, a blog helps to work out all of my crazy ideas and thoughts in my head.. and to somewhat organize them and even put me at ease. so am I at ease now? well no. But it was worth a shot...

wrapping up, Well i got my hair done today.. I considered a dark blonde light brown, but I am still having too much fun platinum.. and I know I would regret it terribly..  Also.. I am headed to moses lake RIGHT after my midterm for the first time since Summer, so if any of you moses lakers would like to see me while I am home you have my number. Most of my time will be spent with my family (And the Coles, which is considered family).. but maybe I can spare you a moment of my time ;) 

"Until you value yourself, you will not value your time.
Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." ~ M. Scott Peck

"Simple pleasures are life's treasures" ;)

"Only as high as I can reach can I grow, Only as far as I seek can I go, Only as deep as I look can I see, Only as much as I dream can I be."

Well, as you know I started a blog at the beginning of the Summer that I was intending on posting in weekly. That idea obviously failed.

A lot has happened since the beginning of the Summer, all of which would consume an entire novel to write, and take up way too much of my precious time. So I'll just stick to the basics here.

I would love to say that my Summer was filled with lavish vacations, insane concerts, and even laying out tanning at the pullman dunes with friends, but that would all be a lie. Instead I took a 6 week summer session taking 4 classes, and worked. It isn't as bad as it sounds though, promise. I did also take one short vacation to California to visit Brandon playing summer ball, and partook in my brothers and best friends breathtaking fairytale wedding. So all in all, it was one memorable Summer. 

Well as I said, I spent the first summer away from home because I landed myself an awesome job. Since it's slim pickins' in Pullman, I am lucky to even have gotten a job let alone this one. I work at Flirt in Pullman which is a super chic boutique in Pullman with affordable designer brands. Which if you know me at all, you know this job was MEANT for me. Despite the fact that I come home with a new bag of clothes just about every day, it is nice to be able to make a little bit of an income for myself. During the Summer it was just myself and my manager Keri working so I was working over 30 hours a week, which was actually pretty awesome since Brandon was out of the state. It was a nice little way to remain occupied :) However, now that school has started I've noticed the difficulty of balancing such a hefty schedule. I am currently taking 18 credits which is 6 classes of almost all upper division courses and 2 labs and on top of that working 25-30 hours a week, maintaining a healthy relationship with my boyfriend, and taking care of our two beautiful babies! Plus I am in pre-law society, but it hasn't been demanding at all. This last week I noticed just how much of a toll it's been taking on me, so I had to cut back on hours for the next two weeks just to keep up with the demands of all of my professors. So far I am dealing with it well....well lets just say I haven't had a heart attack just yet.

Since my schedule is so demanding I haven't had a spare moment to make it home to moses lake. I miss my family insanely.. even stupid oscar :) It is super hard on me to be away from my family for as long as I have because my family is truly my world. I am the worlds biggest daddy's girl and being away from him is hard. We make up for it by long phone conversations, and if I ever need to vent to anyone I call him or my mom and let it ALL out. I have only seen them once since the Summer and the one time I saw my dad was for 5 minutes in spokane to drop off my car. (did i mention my dad finally got me my dream car!) I love my family SO much and I can not wait to go home. From beginning to the end the one thing you will always have is family, and if you lose site of that you really have nothing..

Anyways, as most of you already know.. Brandon and I "officially" moved in together, and it's going great. We both have our crazy busy schedules so we aren't in each others face every second of the day. It's so nice to have our little family all under one roof, and I couldn't be happier. We are both very content with where we are in our life, and don't worry we don't intend on moving forward anytime soon to those who don't believe me. We are young and living life with our priorities in mind. We both have very high goals and we both intend on reaching them, with each other by our sides. I am very happy and my love for him grows by the minute. I wouldn't trade my little family for the world.

We live together but we are not alone. :) We moved in with our good friends Eli and Brad. Yes....I do live with 3 boys... 2 of them having JUST moved out of a frat house. But it's not as bad as you think :) I decorated the entire townhouse and gave it all of my nice cozy touches so I didn't feel like I was living in a Fraternity. The boys aren't too happy about the fact that I currently use 4 closets and like 5 dressers in the townhouse, and one of them is just dedicated to all of my heels. Whoops...whats a girl gotta do? Well, All three boys have been surprisingly clean and we all get a long way too well. Despite the fact that they hide my keys or phone in food boxes, or put them in a ziplock bag and stick them in a cup of water and put them in the freezer, or report my pictures to facebook, take pictures of me sleeping, or post awful things on my facebook..... we are all pretty close, maybe a little too close. I am usually stuck with the laundry, the cooking and the cleaning.. but they all help out every once in a while :)

I need to wrap this up, and since I am so bad at writing these I'll clue you in on my future festivities. I have this week left to finish up homework and study for yet another essay midterm on Friday, and then I am headed home to Moses Lake for the first time since this Summer. I cant wait to enjoy my dad's Persian cooking, take a long hot jet bath with hot water that never ends, and spend quality time with my family. Then the weekend after I am going to Seattle to spend quality time with Brandon's family and see my brother and his beautiful wife and little miles kidd :). all in all I cannot wait to be back on the westside.It is going to be filled with haunted houses, scary movies, visiting the grandparents :), catching up with his parents, and spending time with my brother and best friend. IM CRAVING THE WESTSIDE. I haven't been out of Pullman in a while so excuse my excitement....

Well I have 5 cases to brief tonight, so I am going to put an end to this procrastination and get motivated on something productive. I will TRY to post one a week, but with the way my schedule is it's hard to find time to even breathe and sleep.  So I will definitely not make any promises......

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

happy wife, happy life!

So I decided to write another blog about my amazing weekend, celebrating an amazing kind hearted person, Ashley Cole.

On Friday after work, Moberg and I ventured back to Moses lake in pursuit of the exciting festivities in store for us for the weekend. I spent the first night at home visiting with my family since some of my family from my dads side came to visit. Though most of the time I sit there and nod while they all speak, since they are speaking Farsi. I pick up on a few phrases and hear my name every once in a while, but besides all that I kind of just sit there quietly pretending to know what is going on.. besides the communication barrier it is always nice to see my grandma.

Well Saturday rolled around which was the day of the more "personal" shower where Ashley opened all her unmentionables :) This party was hosted by our friend Carmen and she did such an amazing job. It was so much fun, the games were awesome, and we all bonded and took pictures and talked "girl talk". We went out on the boat and stuck Ashley out on the jet ski and we cruised around trying not to spill our margaritas.. that was very unsuccessful I might add since a few of us ended up wearing our own drinks or someone else's. We came back to an amazing dinner and talked and had fun until the sun went down.. then we all had a sleepover at ashleys which we all discovered we are old women. Its not like high school where we would stay up all night and sleep all day... We rented two movies and were SO exhausted we decided against even putting a movie in and instead we all crashed out.. thus concluded the first shower.

 The second shower was put on by Anne Sandberg, and I was amazed. It was so classy and elegant. The orderves were not only delectable but they looked beautiful! There was champagne, iced tea, and also a chocolate fondue fountain! The set up was so sophisticated, and the games were so fun! We played 2 games.  I won one of the games, of course. We played a game where we had a check list of all the things we might have in our purse and we get points for each one. I blew everyone out of the water. You DON'T want to know all of the things I had in there.. but that's besides the point. Everyone had a great time, Ashley got amazing gifts, and all of us even helped get her a jump start on a scrap book! It was an amazing bridal shower and we all had a great time.

 

I would just like to say how blessed I am to be a part of this wedding, and to be Ashley's maid of honor. She has been my best friend for years, and I couldn't ask for a better friend. I can't believe she is getting married and to my brother of all people! Now no matter what she has no excuse, and she HAS to be in my life. Poor girl ;) no escaping me! But anyways.. she is an amazing person with a heart full of love. She is one person I know that will give to others before thinking about herself, and that's a rare quality to find. Kameron you hit the jackpot with this girl. Treat her amazing forever, because she deserves the world. I love you my little dude, my woman. You are the most beautiful bride. 

Our bachelorette party is next weekend and I can't wait for the shenanigans to begin :) We all got our own condo at crescent bar.. and it is going to be fun.

On another note... I am back home in Pullman and I work the next two days till I head BACK to moses again to get the little shihtzus groomed  :) then go to crescent bar. But I know we were supposed to have moved into our townhouse but we are having huge issues with the management and the flooring.. and things aren't what I want. So im super frustrated and trying to figure things out.. Im very picky and im not satisfied with the way our townhouse is right now.. so im not settling until things are the way we paid for! Ill give more details when we figure out whats going on... anyways... I am still missing Brandon like crazy and it's only getting harder to be away from him. I thought if I kept busy it wouldn't be as hard, but there isn't a second he isn't on my mind. It is so hard to spend a summer away from him, when I have spent two of the best summers of my life with him.. We have been skyping but I wish more than anything I could kiss him through the screen.. I love him so much and I am pretty sure I will continue to miss him more and more by the day. I love him more than all the stars in the sky and I can't wait to spend forever with him :)

"Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss."

not so simply me

Well, I finally decided (after much debate) that I would finally sign my life over to a blog. Many of you probably aren't really that interested in the things I have to say, yet again maybe some of you are. Honestly, I could really care less. Sometimes it feels good to write all your thoughts down regardless of if anyone is reading them or not. Well I guess I'll give you the rundown of my life currently.

For starters...I am a determined student, a loving daughter, a best friend, a motherly like sister, a mother of two shih-tzus, an obsessed aunt, a devout girlfriend, and most recently an employee. These are the main components of my life that are the very essence of who I am, and the ingredients that compose my not so average life.

Well I currently JUST finished my very first summer session at WSU, and let me tell you...I am so relieved. I took 4 classes in 6 weeks, and it was almost the death of me. I decided that two bachelor degrees are better than one, and I have decided to pursue political science with a pre-law emphasis, and criminal justice. So I have to do summer sessions so that I can not only graduate on time, but I might even be able to graduate a year or a semester early. So I am pretty stoked about that.

Aside from the boring school aspect of my life that consumes most of my time, I also recently just got a job! I got the one job in Pullman I really wanted at a boutique called Flirt. I am HOPING all of my paychecks don't go right back into the store, but I won't make any promises. Since jeans, dresses, wedges, heels, and basically every other form of fashion is my weakness, not spending my money will be a struggle. However, I have only worked one day, but I absolutely loved every minute of it. I love my boss, and my co-workers. Its an amazing environment to be in, and I am so blessed to be a part of the flirt crew!

Probably the biggest chunk that consumes me is my family. I have a father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a step mother, a step brother, two step sisters, a nephew, and a niece. I also have the Coles and the Williams who are my second families, who have just about equally put up with me and all my craziness. Well, it was just recently fathers day, and I was so lucky to have been home to spend the entire day with the best daddy in the whole world. In case you didn't know.. I am the WORLDS biggest daddies girl. I literally don't know what I would ever do without him. Well I drove back from Seattle and surprised him with cards, a redbull (he's obsessed) and a nice bouquet of flowers since I know he loves to have them in the house. We all went out to dinner and a movie after, and it was just nice to spend an entire day with my dad celebrating him and all that he means to me. Now onto my brother... my crazy determined motivated hard working inspirational brother. He has always been my best friend and now he is getting married to MY best friend Ashley Cole. Could it be anymore perfect? I am the maid of honor in the wedding that is taking place THIS July 16th and I couldn't be more happy. Speaking of marriage, my little baby sister also got engaged. I have always babied my sister and acted like her mother, so letting her go is not easy, but I have got to let her grow up one day... maybe :)

Brandon Taylor Williams. He has been a huge reason why I am who I am currently. I met him the summer before my first year of college, and I am thankful everyday for that because he helped me to be a better person. He helped me to discover where my priorities should be, and I haven't strayed from them since. We have been "Officially" together for over a year and a half now, and it feels like I've known him my whole life. He is my other half, and my best friend. We recently moved in together, and it has been an amazing experience. We understand each other on a whole new level, and I don't get sick of waking up to his face in the morning, or falling asleep to it at night. We have our little nightly traditions "eskimos, butterflies, .....punchies!" and I wouldn't trade them for the world! Just recently... he left me for the entire summer. He is in Chico, California for the next two months playing Summer ball, and he left me and the shih-tzus to face Pullman...Alone. I anticipated the day he was leaving even months before, and it still didn't prepare me for the day that he left. I stood there at the airport trying to sustain my composure and to not cry like a baby. All he had to do was hug me and whisper in my ear "I love you pooky.." and I felt the lump in my throat and the burning tears run down my face. I watched him walk away until I couldn't see him anymore and his parents and I ventured back home. I went straight to his room and was confronted with his smell and instantly broke into tears.. it hasn't been easy with him gone, but I think I will survive two months with our beautiful shih-tzus..

Last, and most certainly not least.. Maci and Sadie. These two little rugrats are my life these days. They are the one thing that just a glance at them can INSTANTLY put the biggest smile on my face. They are definitely a lot of work... and cost a lot of money, but they are worth every second and every penny. I have secretly been hiding them in my apartment but we finally move to our townhouse on the 23rd of this month and they will finally be able to go outside and run around instead of cooped up in my small place.. These girls are full of excitement and I have my fair share of stories about them.. but I will save them for later since I just typed a novel..

Well I am going to do my best to write these, but I tend to get sick of stuff like this after a while, but hey it's Summer and I don't have much else to do.. so hopefully SOMEONE out there got to the end of this.. but if not oh well.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
— C.S. Lewis